When I woke up this morning, things were lookin' bad | Seem like total silence was the only friend I had | Bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down, and won | And it was twelve o'clock before I realized | I was havin' no fun | Ah, but fortunately I have the key to escape reality | And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile | It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while | Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone | No, I'm just tryin' to have me some fun | Last time I checked my bankroll | It was gettin' thin | Sometimes it seems like the bottom | Is the only place I've been | I chased a rainbow down a one-way street dead end | And all my friends turned out to be insurance salesmen | Ah, but fortunately I have the key to escape reality | And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile | It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while | Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone | No, I'm just tryin' to have me some fun | Well, I sat down in my closet with all my overalls | Tryin' to get away from all the ears inside my walls | I dreamed the police heard everything I thought, what then? | Well I went to court and the judge's name was Hoffman | Ah, but fortunately I have the key to escape reality | And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile | It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while | Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone | No, I'm just tryin' to have me some fun | Well done, hot dog bun, my sister's a nun